


The Lams Conspiracy

by lokithegodofsass



Category: Hamilton - Miranda
Genre: I actually wrote most of this in 2016 and just finished it, I hate it a lot but it's also hilariously bad so here ya go, M/M, Nonbinary Character, Youtuber John, alternate universe - youtuber, can you tell by the intense realism that i'm not in any youtuber fandoms
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-05-17
Updated: 2018-05-17
Packaged: 2019-05-08 03:35:45
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,501
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14685603
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/lokithegodofsass/pseuds/lokithegodofsass
Summary: "What sounds more fun, working on something that is literally not due until December or telling the masses embarrassing stories about me?”Or: John hosts a Q&A with his roommates. Cue shenanigans.





	The Lams Conspiracy

**Author's Note:**

> I actually was never going to publish this fic. In fact, I wrote it two years ago and JUST got around to finishing it so. You have [Seb](https://archiveofourown.org/users/idkspookystuff/pseuds/idkspookystuff) to thank for this ever seeing the light of day, since he gave it a solid 6/9 and motivated me to tack a cheesy ending on it.

“Alright, alright!” John Laurens had decided to hold an impromptu livestream (after tweeting ‘Livestream in 5, try to stop by! J’) for his followers. The combination of his spunky nature, boyish good looks, and inspiring backstory as the flaming homosexual son of a right wing Republican politician secured his rising stardom in the social media world. Most days, he used his status to educate young people about how important it was to partake in the fight for justice. Today, however, he wanted to show all of his followers his new apartment and introduce them to his three roommates and best friends. “I’m John Laurens in the place to be! So lemme introduce my roomies, I’ve got three. Anyways, hello! How’s everyone?” He was met with a flood of chat messages from his fans.

“Mon Dieu, Laurens, what are you chattering about?” came a thickly accented voice from the kitchen. John snickered softly and turned his computer towards the source of his voice, only to find his very shirtless and toned roommate reaching for a bottle of liquor on the top shelf, their monster hair tied back into a neat bun. John’s snickering transformed into full blown laughter as the comments turned from sweet greetings to downright obscene comments about his admittedly attractive roommate’s arms. “What? What is funny?”

“Internet, I’d like to formally influence you to Gilbert ‘Shit-ton of Royal French Names I Can Never Remember’ Lafayette,” John managed in between his giggles.

“Call me Gilbert again and I will slaughter you like a pig,” Lafayette held out the liquor bottle like a sword. John took a defensive step back, even though Lafayette didn’t necessarily qualify as a violent person. “Who am I talking to? For the Youtube? Why am I included in this?”

“Because you are important to me, Laf, and I want the world to know it,” John answered with the cheesiest grin he could muster. “By the way, this is live so… 9,600 people are currently drooling over your beautiful body.” 

“What?” Lafayette questioned and, before John could protest, they had taken his computer and started scrolling through the comments. “Do not let my accent fool you, Foxylaurens, I will not stand for such comments. At least now that I have a girlfriend.”

“Yes, everyone, sadly their stunning arms are taken,” John turned the webcam back to himself and gave the camera his poutiest face. “Do you know where Herc and Alex are? I want them here. I was hoping that you’d all join me for a Q&A.” At Lafayette’s blank look, he quickly explained, “Answering their questions. Or the non-steamy ones anyways.”

“Gil, where the fuck did you disappear to?” Hercules Mulligan, who was equally large in stature and presence, entered the kitchen with the door slamming into the wall behind him. “Seriously, how long does it- oh, hey Laurens. Why are you cradling your computer like a small child?” His good natured smile and the fact that he was wearing a very extravagantly fuchsia shirt kept John from being too intimidated by him.

“He wants the 9,600 people watching us at this moment to ask us questions,” Lafayette explained, looking to John for confirmation. 

“Oh,” Hercules gave a stinted smile to the computer. “Hello, 9,600 people. I’m really fucking intimidated.”

“There’s 10k now and I’m sure that I have Lafayette to thank for that,” John figured that he should have given them a little bit of warning before throwing them into this idea. “Two down, one to go. Do either of you know where Alex is?” 

“Last time I checked he was in his room finishing some dissertation that isn’t due until the end of the semester, that fucking nerd,” Hercules gestured towards the door. “You should leave him alone. He’ll talk everyone’s ears off.”

“At least let me ask if he wants to,” John said softly. It was true that Alex’s impulsive nature took some getting used to and he didn’t possess a mental filter, but he was John’s best friend and he wanted him in the video. Plus, he would be happy to get a firsthand look at what John was spending all of his spare time doing. Finally, since Alex was the person that he talked about in his videos the most, he was the excited about letting his viewers meet him. At least through their computer screens.

“Go ahead, but don’t come running out here crying if he snaps at you,” Lafayette shooed him away with a flick of their hand. “We will be out here with liquor.”

“Laf, it’s not even 3pm,” John pointed out, which was met with the sassiest eye roll known to man.

“I’m still on French time, Laurens,” Lafayette pointed out as they poured a shot and handed it over to Hercules, who downed it and winked towards the computer.

“You came back last month!” Hercules argued. John left the kitchen, shaking his head fondly at his comrades.

“Alright, so we’re about to intrude on Alexander’s private sanctuary,” John mumbled to the camera. “There’s a small chance that he’ll yell at us, but don’t take it personally. He probably hasn’t slept all week.” He knocked hesitantly at Alex’s door and waited for a moment.

“Come in!” Alex called from inside. John opened the door slowly, unable to help but smile at the man clinking away at his laptop.

“Hey, so I was wondering something,” John said slowly. Alex seemed to know that it was going to be a while before he was allowed to work more on his dissertation in peace and hopped to his feet. 

“What’s up?” Alexander asked as he jogged over and bent down to look at the computer screen, his chin resting gently on John’s shoulder and his reading glasses slipping down his nose. The guy had absolutely no regards for personal space. His heart still would have fluttered even if the internet wasn’t so damn intuitive and already speculating about a secret relationship based on his Instagram pictures. Which he was thankful that Alex didn’t know about, but when it came to anything that wasn’t scholarly he wasn’t the most intuitive man in the world. “Why is your webcam on? Why are so many people saying hi to me? Hi back, everyone. _How are you, Alex?_ Uhh... I’m good, JLausAss, how are you? John, did I just use those words in an actual sentence?”

“That’s Arianna, she’s sweet,” John explained quickly.

“I like JLausAss better,” Alex gave John a teasing smirk and John huffed in faux irritation.

“I was hoping to get you to come out of your cave to answer fan questions,” John started, holding back an eyeroll. Alex glanced towards his computer wistfully. “Alex. What sounds more fun, working on something that is literally not due until December or telling the masses embarrassing stories about me?”

“Oh, fair point,” Alex read through the comments some more, the side of his head leaning against John’s. “Yes, Lafayette really has a girlfriend. _TBH I’d tap that_. Me too, Gay4Lau. Actually, I did before they met Adrienne. Shit. I’ve said too much already.”

“Just go away,” John swatted at Alex’s leg with his foot. “Lafayette has liquor, which you’re not allowed at.”

“You’re not my dad,” Alex stuck his tongue out in response.

“Like I’d want to be,” John shot back, which sent Alex into a laughing fit. 

“Wow, you’re actually starting to sound like him,” he pulled John into a tight hug and another comment caught his eye. “ _Couple goals._ Us? Even if we were dating, we wouldn’t be ‘couple goals’. We’re assholes.” John laughed at that, hoping that no one could tell how tense it was. Alex didn’t notice, at least. “ _Marry me, Alexander._ Sure, let’s do it!”

“I feel like you’d actually marry someone that you met in a livestream chat,” John joked.

“Don’t judge our love,” Alex broke the hug and folded his arms tightly to his chest.

“C’mon, I feel like people are gonna start leaving if they don’t get their Lafayette fill,” John gestured for him as he brought his computer into the living room. Lafayette, unsurprisingly, was still shirtless. “There you go. _How do you get anything done with all these attractive people in your house?_ Fair question, I have no idea.”

“He doesn’t,” Hercules sat up and looked at the computer screen, his face completely serious. “We just have gay orgies, like, 24/7.”

“Lafayette hangs out shirtless at their girlfriend’s place a lot so that helps,” John shrugged. He chose to sit on the floor in front of the computer so his roommates could split the couch while he read the questions. “Alex is a hermit that never leaves his room so I rarely see him. Hercules has a full time job so he’s gone a lot too. The masses are asking _Fuck, marry, kill._ Oh, I’ll go first. I’d totally fuck Lafayette because look at them. Marry Alexander. Sorry, whoever proposed to him.”

“So you’re killing me, asshole?” Hercules narrowed his eyes.

“Just for the challenge of trying,” John defended. “Anyone else want to answer?”

“I’d kill Hamilton,” Lafayette answered instantly.

“Well, you didn’t have to think about that at all!” Alex put a hand over his heart, feigning hurt.

“We slept together already, I am not wasting my… what does Adrienne call it? Freebie.” Lafayette answered simply. Alex shrugged in resignation and reached for the bottle.

“Honestly, I would kill him too,” Hercules nodded in agreement after taking another shot.

“Can I kill both of them?” Alex asked with his eyebrows raised. “Or add Jefferson to the mix and sleep with both of you and marry John? Since he’s the only one that wouldn’t kill me.” 

“Jefferson lives across the hall,” John explained to the stream. “He’s in the law program with Alexander, they hate each other.”

“Wait, John, what if Jefferson offered you a million dollars to murder Alex?” Hercules asked, leaning forward to make eye contact. “Would you do it?”

“No,” John laughed. “Taking Jefferson’s dirty money would be about as insulting as murder. Why do you all hate Alex so much?”

“If you have a problem with Jefferson’s money, I could give you a million dollars now,” Lafayette added.

“Why is everyone attacking me?” Alex asked, hopping off the couch and sitting on the floor next to John. “John, my dear husband, make them stop.” 

“So you’d both kill Alex,” John continued. “And Alex cheated and somehow killed Jefferson and had a threesome that I’m frankly offended that I wasn’t invited to, but who gets the honor of marriage?”

“We’re married, so you’re invited to all of my sexual endeavors,” Alex laughed softly. “That’s how it works, dear. Obviously.”

“Obviously,” John echoed. “Of course. The sanctity of marriage.”

“I think I would marry Mulligan,” Lafayette answered. 

“Actually, I’d have to marry John,” Hercules said after a moment of thought.

“Wait, you would choose Laurens over me?” Lafayette held up their hand to signify that they were about to say something important. “Laurens might be cute but he is a dirty traitor. He drank all of my orange juice an hour after I bought it!”

“That was Alex, bud,” Hercules corrected him. “C’mon, son. Laurens is too pure for that shit.”

“Hamilton!” Lafayette’s gaze found Alex on the floor, who was smiling guiltily. “You little… how you say? Fuckface?”

“That’s really appropriate,” Hercules leaned against the couch in laughter. “Since you don’t have a middle name, we’re hereby changing your name to Alexander Fuckface Hamilton.”

“That’s what my dad wanted to name me, but my mom said no,” Alexander answered seriously.

“Why would you think I drank your orange juice?” John asked, folding his arms to his chest.

“I thought Hamilton first,” Lafayette poured themselves another shot. “I asked him about it. He said ‘no, that was John’. And he is not a good liar so I believed him.”

“Wait, so is that why you ate all my brownies?” John gasped before turning his attention to Alex. “How could you betray me like that, my darling?”

“An eyeball for an eyeball,” Lafayette answered simply. “Are you joining us in killing him?”

“That’s it, I’m never sleeping here again,” Alex shook his head quickly before fixing John with his saddest look. “I’m sorry. Don’t leave me like my parents did.”

“I’ll protect you,” John decided as Alex rested his head gently against his chest. He was sure that he could hear how fast his heart was pounding and tried to take a steadying breath.

“ _Jeez, are they always this cuddly? My heart can’t handle_ ,” Hercules leaned down to read the screen. “Yes. Alex clings to him like a fucking koala bear. Sidenote, why can’t your heart handle Hamilton? He’s annoying as fuck.”

“Rude,” Alex pushed a foot into Hercules’s knee and sat up straight. “Although that’s a good question. I mean, I’d understand Lafayette but me?”

“They’re glad that I actually have friends,” John answered automatically. He couldn’t tell any of them about the shipping. There was too much material on the internet for them to tease him about.

Christ, the fanfiction alone. He was sure that Alex would make it his mission to write the most realistic one if he knew that such a genre existed. And then proceed to read it aloud to John so that he could check it for accuracy.

“ _Going back to the theme of your entire fucking channel, are any of your other roommates LGBT?_ ” Hercules had apparently taken over reading the questions. “We all are. I’m gay as the Fourth of July, much like your boy. Laf is pan. Alex is just a hoe.” 

“I’m bi, excuse you,” Alex responded with an eyeroll. “You will not slander my good name, Mulligan. But us being LGBT is precisely why we’re here playing silly slumber party games on the internet. We wholeheartedly support Laurens’ mission. Good question, Cocodick.”

“Cocodick?” Lafayette asked. “What would that be in French?”

“I have absolutely no idea,” Alex answered quietly, breathing out a short laugh. “These names are all rather creative.”

“That’s a word for it,” Hercules breathed out a soft laugh before his attention was caught by the screen again. “ _Okay, but who else really wants Alex and John to make out right now?_ , asks Lams4Ev.” John felt his heart drop to his stomach and refused to look at Alex, who was being uncharacteristically quiet. “I don’t know. It could be funny, but we might need more alcohol. Laf, you and Alex had that fling so your opinion matters more here.”

“Sleeping with Alexander was worth my while,” Lafayette responded coolly. “That is why I allow him in my life still.”

“Holy shit.” Those words broke Alex out of his temporary spell and he nudged in between Hercules and the screen. “12,000 people now know that I’m a good fuck. I’m going to get laid so much now. And everyone is talking very fast, wow. Someone is just repeating _LAMS_ in all-caps. I’m sorry, I don’t know what that means. I thought I was all caught up on the gay lingo too. Wait, what was the question again?” He paused before a smile slowly overtook his face. “Right! John. I’d be down, Lams4Ev. I feel like John would be a good kisser. Only one way to find out though, right?” 

“Shit, I have to go,” John could feel his throat tighten. He should’ve listened to the others when they said that inviting Alex to participate would be a bad idea. “Hey, I’m so sorry to cut this livestream short. I just remembered that I have… a project due tonight that I’ve procrastinated the fuck out of. But now that I know you love my roommates, I’ll be sure to bring them back. Bye now!” He didn’t have the time or energy for a freestyle rap exit in his desperate state and quickly shut off the livestream.

“Why’d you cut off so fast?” Hercules asked. 

“That was more fun than I expected,” Lafayette lamented.

“Yeah, I know,” John stood up and grabbed his laptop. He knew that people would be blogging about how weird he got about Alex kissing him. The thought made him feel nauseated, but not knowing what they were saying was almost worse. “Alex, can you help me with my project?”

“Sure,” Alex stood up and smiled at him. “What class is it for?”

“Human sexuality, most likely,” Hercules mumbled with a smirk, earning a very annoyed look from John. John just shook his head and pulled Alex back into his room.

“So,” Alex sat down on his bed and folded his hands on his lap. John found himself hating how little regard the man had for social cues. “You don’t have a project. What is all of that about?”

“I don’t know,” John sat down next to Alex, who instinctively nestled up against him. “Not right now, okay? I need to say this.”

“Of course,” Alex sat up and turned towards John.

“This is really what I get for making my channel more personal recently,” John sighed softly. “But there’s a whole group of people who suspect that we’re secretly dating. Lams is Laurens and Ham combined.”

“So?” Alex asked. “There are people at Columbia who think so too. Does that bother you? Like a cute guy might think that you’re dating me and not pursue something because of that.”

“I wouldn’t want anyone else,” John blurted. Alex’s eyebrows shot up at that and he just quietly stared at John. And his eyes were so big and questioning in an almost child-like way and beautifully brown that John had to avert his gaze. Alex only ever seemed to fall silent like this when John was upset. “Alex, I can’t sit on this anymore. I’m fine with the fact that you slept with Laf. I could even deal with us joking about marriage. But I feel like you should know how I feel before kissing me because a fan told you to. Because I know you wouldn’t hurt me or make things weird on purpose and-“

“John,” Alex’s voice was quiet. John could see that his hands were trembling in his lap. “Would it make things weird because you have feelings for me?”

“A lot of fucking feelings,” John’s hands instinctively rose to his temples. “They’re damn annoying. But our friendship means so much more to me than ever acting on these feelings so I’m okay if you coolly reject me.”

“Why would I do that?” Alex asked, sounding absolutely shocked at the prospect. “Would it be even weirder if I had the same feelings for you?”

“Yes, but good weird,” John answered automatically. “’Cause what the fuck? What do you mean?” Alex just shrugged and closed the gap between the two of them, pressing his lips into John’s. John was sure that his fans would’ve teased him for the rest of his career if this kiss had happened on the livestream. Since he was in his room with no one watching, however, his hand found Alex’s waist and he pulled him over him as he lied down.

John ever thought that if he was ever lucky enough to kiss Alex, it would be hot and carnal with clothes flying off in all directions. He wasn’t expecting Alex to be so languid and hesitant in his movements. He preferred this version of Alex to the one he concocted in his head when he needed a quick fantasy. Instead of the smirk filled with dirty promises that he would usually give his prospective hook ups at parties, he pulled away with a smile that spread from ear to ear.

“What are you going to tell your conspiracy theorists?” he asked, his eyes crinkling with amusement. 

“I’ll figure out something in a couple months,” John shrugged as Alex’s mouth moved over his neck. “Shit, Alex. We should kick the others out of here so we can finish this.”

“Fuck yes,” Alex’s voice lowered and his hand wrapped tightly around John’s wrist. Maybe John was okay with an Alex closer to his usual fantasies too, he thought to himself as Alex dragged him out in the living room.

“Did y’all figure out your shit yet?” Hercules asked, glancing up from his phone enough so he could look between them. Alex beamed back and placed a quick kiss onto John’s lips, which burned after he pulled away. “Shit! Couldn’t have waited until next semester? Inconsiderate pricks.” He reached to his pocket for his wallet and handed a now fully clothed Lafayette (they may have liked the attention even with a girlfriend) a bill that had too many zeros for John to accept.

“We live with two more conspiracy theorists,” John whispered to a giggling Alex, who responded by pulling him into yet another kiss. 

John hated how a bunch of gay teenagers essentially invented his love life, but he also kind of loved it. Either way, he had about 12,000 thank you letters to mail now.

**Author's Note:**

> I know. Ew lol. But if you want to come say hi, you could follow my [tumblr](http://www.pippinsoo.tumblr.com) or come find me on [twitter](http://www.twitter.com/moritztiefel)


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